Spoken 1: Gardening Tools

I carry this tiny little dagger in my heart.  Ummm...  I'm really tempted to re-write that.  I mean, it's really, really, really tiny.  Microscopic.  Smaller than microscopic.  And it's not really a dagger.  It's not very sharp at all.  It's like a little round thing.  It isn't exactly soft - but it's not pokey.  Like a little BB.  Well... that doesn't make it any better, does it?  It's still a weapon.

All those just-friends boys who were really just-friends.  All those guys who told me I would be a great wife someday but didn't want me as their wife.  All the guys who didn't choose me.

Yikes.  I'm really ashamed by that.  And the longer the list gets, my BB turns back into the dagger of bitterness it really is.  Oh, LORD, have mercy on me.  I look at the heartache I've carried... I look at the mean things people have said and done and I need your healing.

And somewhere from a hill half a world away, I hear these words.

Father, forgive them.  They know not what they do.

And I have to stop.  The faces of the guys who disappointed me.  That vision is nothing.  Who am I that every knee should bow?  That the wonderful things I do and am should be honored at all times?  I am not the Messiah.  I am not the perfect lamb.  I was the one who deserved the Cross.  Not Jesus.

And yet, Jesus asks God to forgive the people who were killing Him.  They don't understand.  They don't get it.  They have no clue.

And so, when I think back to the men who didn't give me a second glance, or who didn't fall head-over-heals, how can I hold any bitterness when I think of Jesus?  He didn't condemn them... He desired that they would be forgiven.

My weapons of bitterness - my BBs and my daggers- do no good.  They promise protection, but I'm the one they are hurting the most.  And although he is gracious, I know my husband feels the side effects. Isaiah 2:4 tells of a time when weapons will be melted into gardening tools.  And I'm asking God to do that in my life.  I'm tired of this war.  I'd rather have a garden.

Spoken From the Cross - Introduction

Jesus on the cross.  Something we take too lightly because it's too big.  It's too important.  It's too shameful. All my pride, my anger, my brokenness- all the punishment paid for to a Holy God by a Holy God.  I want to sit down with this for a little while.  I want to bring my cup of coffee and the Scriptures and open ears and see what God's Son had to say while He was being my sacrifice.  And I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit to speak into my pride, my anger, my brokenness and show me the hope and healing God Is... especially in the scars of my singleness.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to walk through the seven things Jesus said while He was on the cross.  This is nothing new.  There are many books about these words.  Many extremely smart scholars have lots to say.  But I need healing in my small world.  So, my prayer is going to be:

God, show me Your love, sovereignty, and holiness through the cross in regard to the scars I carry from being single.

I have a hunch, though, that it's not just the wounds of singleness that need attending to - it's my wounds of sin, idolatry and unholiness that need a salve.

Salve.  We don't use that word much.  But we all know what it means.  My sister-in-law made some fun soaps and scrubs to give as Christmas presents.  One of these little jars was a jar of green salve.  You know exactly what it feels like when I say "salve", don't you?  You can feel the thick, slimy, fullness of it.  I use it for everything.  Shingles.  Cuts.  Shaving.  Removing eye makeup.  Mask on dry hair.  Rosacea.  It's healing.  That's the point.  "Salve" means healing.

And I know that my salvation has a greater work than the amazing ticket to heaven it bought me... it has healing to do in the deepest areas of my bruised, sinful nature.

So, here we go... with this prayer from Ephesians 1...

God, You are the Father of glory.  Please give us the Spirit of wisdom and revelation as we desire to know You.  Enlighten our hearts so that we can know the hope to which You have called us, the riches of Your glorious inheritance and the immeasurable greatness of Your power toward us who believe, according to the working of Your great might that You worked in Christ when You raised Him from the dead...

A Letter For A Friend Going On A First Date

My friend wrote a quick note saying she was going on a date... and asked if I would pray that she wouldn't keep thinking what if he doesn't like ______ about me...  And it got me to thinking, that even after two years of courtship and almost two years of marriage, I am still asking the same question.

http://everydaysurprises.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-letter-for-friend-going-on-first-date.html

A Poem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=igCj3jsbcqs#!

Myths...

http://theresurgence.com/2011/05/09/9-myths-about-sex-relationships-among-emerging-adults

Start Thinking Like this Now

http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/selfish-lovers-and-servant-lovers

Emotions

This has been an influential and challenging sermon series.  I should listen to the whole thing once a month!  If you only listen to one sermon, listen to "Sanctification & Our Emotions Part 3".  Really good stuff!

http://www.monergism.com/mp3/2011/06/biblical_emotions_20_mp3_sermo.php