Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Nice Cars and Such
"Car Talk" is a call in radio show where people ask about cars and car repair and lots of other life things. One day a single woman called in and said, "Is it true that men won't date me because I drive a nice car?" Well, apparently it depended on how nice a car it was... and it was a NICE one. And the hosts of the shows said - Yup. No dates for you. Get a cheaper car if you want to find a man.
Recently I was in a group of married women who made me feel "less than" because of my nice car. OK - it's not a real car, but it is something in my personality. It's something I've heard again and again as a reason to why I have spent a large part of my adult life single. And basically, I've heard the same thing - Get a cheaper car if you want to find a man.
Well, after the talk with those women, I really wrestled with it and brought it up to Dave. I wanted to get to the root of things: why was I feeling so defensive about this area of my life... And is it my fault? Hasn't God used it? How do I lessen it? And although I have "found a man" will this haunt my life and our marriage? Etc., etc., etc...
And the answer surprised me. Dave said that having a nice car is a good thing. He couldn't understand why they and even I were discussing it as something negative.
All my life I've been told that men will be intimidated by the nice car or jealous of or even feel like they are in come competition with the nice car. I didn't know that there are guys like Dave who see the nice car as an attribute to be complimented.
I just want to give you hope. I don't know what your nice car is. But don't trade it in for a lesser model. I want you to drive it and enjoy it and leave those men who don't want to ride with you in the dust.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Laundry and Tiaras and 1 Corinthians 7
Bitter. Jealous. Sad. Lots and lots of cats.
We don't want to be those kind of singles. So, we put on our tiaras and another layer of mascara and proudly wear our sashes that say in glittering letters: It is good to be married but better to be single!
So when our married friends start complaining about the laundry and baby spit-up, we sit up taller and ponder aloud where we're going shopping this weekend... or better yet!: how excited we are about our weekend prayer retreat - a honeymoon with the Lord.
And year after year of this same routine, our hearts develop a big callous when it comes to 1 Corinthians 7.
We start to put our own words in Paul's mouth... and instead of his "Marriage is good but singleness is better", we start to believe he said Marriage is a sin and singleness is the only way to holiness. We do it to help us cope. To help justify why God would keep marriage out of reach when He Himself says it's a good thing... to help the sting of jealousy go away... to lesson Aunt Analia's hurtful comments... to get Aunt Analia off our backs.
But it's not true. Paul doesn't say Marriage is Unholy. In fact, he says that someone who gets married hasn't sinned. This Greek word for sin is the famous "hamartanÅ" which literally means (think archery here) "to miss the mark which causes you not to win the prize". What is Paul saying? If you get married, you still get the prize! And what is the prize? God! Intimacy and abundant life in Him! Just because a woman's attention is on laundry and spit-up, it doesn't mean that she isn't getting to enjoy the full life of communion with God.
And yes... I do have a truckload of time that I can spend thinking about God and praying, studying Scripture. It's relatively easy for me to take an hour, an afternoon or a whole day and spend it with the Lord. Not so much for my friend with five children. I think she's delighted when she gets to take a shower.
The freedom I have to spend three hours journaling, well... that's part of the holy perks. And my friend with five kids... she gets to have sex and snuggle with her little ones. And that's part of the holy perks. And yes, we both have big holes of loneliness and frustration and dying to ourselves (a lot of times even in the perks). We both have different opportunities to live holy lives.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1
Being a living sacrifice might mean volunteering at the homeless shelter or having a long heavy conversation with a friend when you'd rather be taking a bath or disciplining a child when it really does hurt you more than them.
Yes, Paul says it's better to be single. Easier. In his brotherly voice (he reminds us that he's speaking out of love and not giving commands here) he says marriage is hard and that if you're single you might as well milk it for all it's worth.
So, next time your married friend is complaining about laundry and spit-up, put your tiara on her head and start folding the laundry. We're all in this holiness thing together.
We don't want to be those kind of singles. So, we put on our tiaras and another layer of mascara and proudly wear our sashes that say in glittering letters: It is good to be married but better to be single!
So when our married friends start complaining about the laundry and baby spit-up, we sit up taller and ponder aloud where we're going shopping this weekend... or better yet!: how excited we are about our weekend prayer retreat - a honeymoon with the Lord.
And year after year of this same routine, our hearts develop a big callous when it comes to 1 Corinthians 7.
We start to put our own words in Paul's mouth... and instead of his "Marriage is good but singleness is better", we start to believe he said Marriage is a sin and singleness is the only way to holiness. We do it to help us cope. To help justify why God would keep marriage out of reach when He Himself says it's a good thing... to help the sting of jealousy go away... to lesson Aunt Analia's hurtful comments... to get Aunt Analia off our backs.
But it's not true. Paul doesn't say Marriage is Unholy. In fact, he says that someone who gets married hasn't sinned. This Greek word for sin is the famous "hamartanÅ" which literally means (think archery here) "to miss the mark which causes you not to win the prize". What is Paul saying? If you get married, you still get the prize! And what is the prize? God! Intimacy and abundant life in Him! Just because a woman's attention is on laundry and spit-up, it doesn't mean that she isn't getting to enjoy the full life of communion with God.
And yes... I do have a truckload of time that I can spend thinking about God and praying, studying Scripture. It's relatively easy for me to take an hour, an afternoon or a whole day and spend it with the Lord. Not so much for my friend with five children. I think she's delighted when she gets to take a shower.
The freedom I have to spend three hours journaling, well... that's part of the holy perks. And my friend with five kids... she gets to have sex and snuggle with her little ones. And that's part of the holy perks. And yes, we both have big holes of loneliness and frustration and dying to ourselves (a lot of times even in the perks). We both have different opportunities to live holy lives.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1
Being a living sacrifice might mean volunteering at the homeless shelter or having a long heavy conversation with a friend when you'd rather be taking a bath or disciplining a child when it really does hurt you more than them.
Yes, Paul says it's better to be single. Easier. In his brotherly voice (he reminds us that he's speaking out of love and not giving commands here) he says marriage is hard and that if you're single you might as well milk it for all it's worth.
So, next time your married friend is complaining about laundry and spit-up, put your tiara on her head and start folding the laundry. We're all in this holiness thing together.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Desire vs. Discontent
There is a difference between desire and discontent.
Some Christian women say "I am content in my singleness" when what they mean to say is "I don't really want a husband right now". That is a version of contentment, sure. But, can we be content in our singleness and still have the desire for a husband? Absolutely.
Desire does not have to be a catalyst for discontent.
So, you are out to lunch with your girl-friends and decide that you all want a bite of that decedent chocolate thing... so you order one piece to share among all six of you. Each gets one bite. And you want more. That's called desire. Are you going to pout that you didn't get your own piece? Is it going to ruin your time with your dear friends... or turn a good day into a horrible one? Are you now going to be discontent? Ummm.... no.
OK - so, don't take this illustration too far (splitting a man 6 ways, etc...) but the same is true with marriage. God created us to be in partnership. The Bible is clear about that. Yummy! Yes, please. But - do we have to be miserable even though we want it?
I can be content in my circumstances and still pray for, hunger for and hope for something. So, next time someone questions you - it's ok to say: I'm really content - but sure! I'd be delighted if God brought a godly man my way. It's not a juxtaposition of opposites.
Some Christian women say "I am content in my singleness" when what they mean to say is "I don't really want a husband right now". That is a version of contentment, sure. But, can we be content in our singleness and still have the desire for a husband? Absolutely.
Desire does not have to be a catalyst for discontent.
So, you are out to lunch with your girl-friends and decide that you all want a bite of that decedent chocolate thing... so you order one piece to share among all six of you. Each gets one bite. And you want more. That's called desire. Are you going to pout that you didn't get your own piece? Is it going to ruin your time with your dear friends... or turn a good day into a horrible one? Are you now going to be discontent? Ummm.... no.
OK - so, don't take this illustration too far (splitting a man 6 ways, etc...) but the same is true with marriage. God created us to be in partnership. The Bible is clear about that. Yummy! Yes, please. But - do we have to be miserable even though we want it?
I can be content in my circumstances and still pray for, hunger for and hope for something. So, next time someone questions you - it's ok to say: I'm really content - but sure! I'd be delighted if God brought a godly man my way. It's not a juxtaposition of opposites.
Well, I Heard It Again
"God will give you a mate after you are content in Him," said the preacher.
Yes, we know that every person who has every gotten married was first completely content in God. And obviously, we know that everyone who is single must not be content with their relationship with God - because if they were, they would not be single.
And the proof text? Adam. How Adam was content with God. And it was only then that God gave him Eve. I'm not even going there... And to be fair, two married friends who also heard this sermon heard this quote completely different. They heard it as - Put Your Relationship With God First ... Make Sure Your Relationship With God is Strong Before Seeking A Spouse.
And maybe that's what the preacher meant. But it's not what he said.
It's not true. Just because you are content, flowing and breathing in the Lord - it doesn't mean that THEN you will get a spouse. And if we don't have a spouse then it doesn't mean that what we feel is a contented, flowing and breathing relationship with God is a false one.
Single, married, somewhere-in-between: The result of being content, flowing and breathing in the Lord isn't a spouse. The result is God.
Yes, we know that every person who has every gotten married was first completely content in God. And obviously, we know that everyone who is single must not be content with their relationship with God - because if they were, they would not be single.
And the proof text? Adam. How Adam was content with God. And it was only then that God gave him Eve. I'm not even going there... And to be fair, two married friends who also heard this sermon heard this quote completely different. They heard it as - Put Your Relationship With God First ... Make Sure Your Relationship With God is Strong Before Seeking A Spouse.
And maybe that's what the preacher meant. But it's not what he said.
It's not true. Just because you are content, flowing and breathing in the Lord - it doesn't mean that THEN you will get a spouse. And if we don't have a spouse then it doesn't mean that what we feel is a contented, flowing and breathing relationship with God is a false one.
Single, married, somewhere-in-between: The result of being content, flowing and breathing in the Lord isn't a spouse. The result is God.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
An Un-Pity Party
One time I casually mentioned to my mom, "When I get married, I want white sheets." She quickly jumped back, "Why wait - get them now." And so I did. Twice in a row. And I have so enjoyed them.
What's on your list? Owning a home? Something beautiful from Victoria's Secret? A trip to Hawaii? Diamond earrings? A grill? A power drill? A set of china? A real car?
Dave Ramsey, I don't want you to worry if you're reading this. I'm not proposing that we go broke over these things - I'm just proposing that we use our mad-money on special things... instead of waiting for a day that may or may not come.
Why not?
What's on your list? Owning a home? Something beautiful from Victoria's Secret? A trip to Hawaii? Diamond earrings? A grill? A power drill? A set of china? A real car?
Dave Ramsey, I don't want you to worry if you're reading this. I'm not proposing that we go broke over these things - I'm just proposing that we use our mad-money on special things... instead of waiting for a day that may or may not come.
Why not?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
ar-keh'-o
Living vicariously through other people's photos on Facebook is a great way to land yourself in discontentment on a lonely evening. The cute couples pictures. The fun engagement pictures. The romantic wedding pictures. The sweet watch-my-belie-grow pregnancy pictures. The tender new-born pictures. The silly we're-a-family pictures.
There's always more, isn't there. Something new to want. Shoot - I am part of a couple - and have waited a Very Long Time to be so... but there's this 5,000 mile issue that makes me sad... but that's not the whole truth - it's everything else on that list, too. Everything else I desire. And if I had the next one, I'd be eying the one after that.
How can we be content if we're always reaching for the next?
"My grace is sufficient for you," Jesus said.
Did you know that the words sufficient and contentment are from the same Greek root word? I don't think that's by chance. We find our greatest contentment when we understand that Jesus's grace is sufficient for TODAY. We are not promised a white dress and a bouquet. We are promised Jesus. We are not promised maternity-wear. We are promised Jesus. We are not promised three kids and a mini-van. We are promised Jesus. And even though it might take all our emotional courage to hold on to Him... He will be faithful.
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