Spoken 4: Bluebonnets

It's bluebonnet season in Texas.  Seriously, I love bluebonnets.  I'm not exactly a song writer, but I wrote a little country ditty when I was in high school called "Bluebonnet Angles" and it pops into my head every time I pass a patch of Texas blue.

I remember making angles not in snow
but in a big field where the bluebonnets grow

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behind the church where we went
where all our memories were spent
it's been a long time since then
and I laugh when I think back to when
we were young, we'd always be
but life's changed a lot and I hope you see

I'm sorry for running away
for being selfish - going my own way
I know you needed me, I needed you, too
I hope you realize
I'll always love you...

OK, cheesy, I know... but I think I could sing this song to lots of people.  I need to.  I'm sorry I forsake you.

Realizing this gives me a little more compassion towards the people who have forsaken me.  The people who have unintentionally wounded me.  I bet if they knew, they would be sorry too.  And maybe they do know, but just don't know where to begin.


We have all been abandoned in waves.  We have all been left standing alone.  Perhaps in only incremental waves.  I hope in only little bits. Even those of us who come from intact families, intact friendships, intact churches- we have all been forsaken.  And we have all forsaken someone else.

I have botched all kinds of relationships.  I have hurt people.  I have portrayed lies in what I thought was kindness.  I have puffed up myself.  I've kept records of wrongs.  I have been both greedy and lazy.  Even now I could list the people I need to apologize to - goodness.  I don't even know where to begin.  "Sorry, I was a jerk.  Sorry I was sinful."


And maybe all this forsaking on earth is just another pointer that we aren't - we won't be - forsaken in Heaven.  The heart break of four little words is what I deserve.  Eli Eli lama sabachthani?  My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?  The absolute darkness of being totally abandoned would be my destiny if Jesus hadn't gotten there first.

And in that moment, Jesus found the words of Psalm 22.  When I read through it, I see some amazing things about God:  His Holiness and the way He takes care of His people, how He is paying attention, how He is worthy of worship, how He is sovereign.  And all this in a moment of pure agony.

Surely Jesus knew the whole Psalm.  I wonder if He was praying through it, but only had the physical energy to repeat that one line out loud...

I might never have the opportunity to apologize to the people I've stepped on.  And I don't know that the people who've stepped on me will ever apologize.  But this I know - the forsaking - the abandoning - that was all eternally left powerless.  Because Jesus was abandoned, we will not be.

"I'm forgiven because You were forsaken."1 

Your dad who was not emotionally available for you?  Your mom who kept pressuring you to be skinny until you found yourself struggling with anorexia?  Your fiance who decided he just wasn't ready to commit?  Your best guy friend who told you he was in love with your sister?  The men who have all said it wasn't you it was them?

You might have been forsaken on earth, but please, please know... You are not forsaken in Heaven.  Nothing will separate you from that perfect love.



1. Chris Tomlin's worship song: "You Are My King"