Bitter. Jealous. Sad. Lots and lots of cats.
We don't want to be those kind of singles. So, we put on our tiaras and another layer of mascara and proudly wear our sashes that say in glittering letters: It is good to be married but better to be single!
So when our married friends start complaining about the laundry and baby spit-up, we sit up taller and ponder aloud where we're going shopping this weekend... or better yet!: how excited we are about our weekend prayer retreat - a honeymoon with the Lord.
And year after year of this same routine, our hearts develop a big callous when it comes to 1 Corinthians 7.
We start to put our own words in Paul's mouth... and instead of his "Marriage is good but singleness is better", we start to believe he said Marriage is a sin and singleness is the only way to holiness. We do it to help us cope. To help justify why God would keep marriage out of reach when He Himself says it's a good thing... to help the sting of jealousy go away... to lesson Aunt Analia's hurtful comments... to get Aunt Analia off our backs.
But it's not true. Paul doesn't say Marriage is Unholy. In fact, he says that someone who gets married hasn't sinned. This Greek word for sin is the famous "hamartanō" which literally means (think archery here) "to miss the mark which causes you not to win the prize". What is Paul saying? If you get married, you still get the prize! And what is the prize? God! Intimacy and abundant life in Him! Just because a woman's attention is on laundry and spit-up, it doesn't mean that she isn't getting to enjoy the full life of communion with God.
And yes... I do have a truckload of time that I can spend thinking about God and praying, studying Scripture. It's relatively easy for me to take an hour, an afternoon or a whole day and spend it with the Lord. Not so much for my friend with five children. I think she's delighted when she gets to take a shower.
The freedom I have to spend three hours journaling, well... that's part of the holy perks. And my friend with five kids... she gets to have sex and snuggle with her little ones. And that's part of the holy perks. And yes, we both have big holes of loneliness and frustration and dying to ourselves (a lot of times even in the perks). We both have different opportunities to live holy lives.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1
Being a living sacrifice might mean volunteering at the homeless shelter or having a long heavy conversation with a friend when you'd rather be taking a bath or disciplining a child when it really does hurt you more than them.
Yes, Paul says it's better to be single. Easier. In his brotherly voice (he reminds us that he's speaking out of love and not giving commands here) he says marriage is hard and that if you're single you might as well milk it for all it's worth.
So, next time your married friend is complaining about laundry and spit-up, put your tiara on her head and start folding the laundry. We're all in this holiness thing together.
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